Yo soy una idiota, dos veces (I'm an idiot times two)

Greetings. New photos posted to link below. This is a bit lengthy, but some lessons to be learned....

Spent/spending the weekend in Lima this weekend. No work going on at the site, so I figured I'd stay here and enjoy the relative safety of the Miraflores area. Yesterday, I spent half of the day setting up this blasted blog site. That took me some time as it wasn't long ago that I didn't know what the hell a blog was. I took it easy and read a bit as my stomach was going up and down when I was sitting still. After awhile, I felt better and I dropped some dirty clothes off at the cleaners. I figured I'd just mosey around town and take in the city. I was hungry, so I stopped off at what else? A chicken place. After I placed my order, I pulled out the trusty ole pocket dictionary and took a gander at some words. As I was practising some phrases, a girl and her mom stopped by to ask if I was from the US. Before I could respond "yes", the mother was bascially sitting down in the chair opposite of me. After she sat she asked if it was alright in broken English and I said sure. They had just gotten done eating whereas I had just placed my order. I figured it'd be small chat stuff...well, 20 minutes later I was sitting with my food staring back at me, trying to figure out if I should start chowing down or what. I thought for sure once my chicken and rice dish landed on the table, they were going to bail. Not so much. The talk was non-threatening, but it was juuussst a bit awkward to say the least. After patiently drooling for a bit, the mother said it was fine for me to eat...Hey, thanks lady! The daughter is 19 and is learning English, so I thought that was the main purpose of the chat...well, as the chat and my dinner came to an end, the girl asked for my email! I was taken aback, but besides feeling a bit awkward, felt non-threatend about the whole shabang. So, I fibbed a bit and said I didn't check it often, but if she had questions about the US or English, I might be able to help. At the same time, she proceeded to not only give me her email, but her address and phone number...her mom inviting me to stay the next time I come back to Lima! At that point I was a bit whigged out and was actually happy to see them leave. I made it a point to stall a bit after they left and the busboy stopped by and said that they were "waiting" outside. I couldn't see them, but I trusted his intellegence and I asked a few minutes later if they had skadattled...he said yes, and I flew the coop.

After that, I meandered through a park and looked at a bunch of local artist's work surrounding the park. I also found a church and checked out the mass times. I closed the day by picking up some fresh bread and cheese from the store and snacking on that to a ghetto episode of Different Strokes before calling it a night.

Today, I pulled my carcass out of bed at around 7:30, organized some of my clothes and dropped some things off at the office (2 blocks away) on my way to church and hit 10:00 Mass. It was the kid's Mass...I didn't understand a damn thing except for Jesus (hay-soos), Amen and Alleluia, but it's still legit. I'll get online after this to get a better handle on the readings. I think the Gospel was from John, but other than that, I"m clueless. After church, I wanted to blow some cash and figured I'd buy some art. Oil on cavass paintings for around 10 to 25 bones...I couldn't pass it up...they roll up too, so that makes travel easy. Anywho, I picked up some authentic Peruvian and even more interesting, Incan paintings, both water color and oil on canvas. So, for around $100 bones or less, I got some pretty sweet paintings that really come from the places they depict. As I was purchasing the last painting, two ladies walked by and were speaking English, so I said hello and we talked a bit about the art and all...come to find out that they're nuns from a local missionary order. They were "incognito" as they put it...they didn't have their habuts on. We shot the bull for awhile and I asked if there was a church or shrine to St. Rose of Lima...they gave me the directions and off I was, receiving a sincere "goodbye and God bless" as I made my way to the bus stop. Enroute to the bus stop, I came across a portly little Peruvian fella in his early 60s named Pepe. Pepe spoke pretty good English and he showed me around his brother's art gallery. After explaining that I bought all the art I needed for awhile, he asked where I was headed to and I said to St. Rose's church...his eyes lit up and he said, "I live 4 blocks from there. I heading home now. I show way to St. Rose." I figured what the hey...I was bigger than him and if he started any marlakey, I'd be able to kick his portly little butt. So, we hopped onto one of the million minibuses that scurry around town and headed north to St. Rose's church. Quite a ride to say the least...fast, then slow, then fast again. Forget the shocks and if you're clausorphopic, take a cab! On the way, we passed the US embassy and a soccer stadium as Pepe was explaining that his son was a jockey and racing later in the day. Fifteen minutes later, Pepe motioned that my stop was next and he said, "You pay lunch, I show you St. Rose and very very old church. You buy lunch, I show you way." "Sure, why not," I replied.

We went into St. Rose's church and Mass was just finishing up...so we walked around the garden and read some of the placards. St. Martin de Porres hung out right across the street from where St. Rose lived. Pretty sweet. After Mass was over, we went inside and it was majestic. Not opulent as one might envision the grand churches in Europe, but very majestic. Afterwards, we made our way through street vendors and side alleys and came upon a busy market street. Hidden right in the middle of it was, according to Pepe, one of the first churches in all of Peru. Not so sure, but it was way old inside and very small. All the churches that I have seen have many images or statues of the Divine Mercey and crucifixion. Statues of Mary are common too. It was nearing 2:00, horse race time, so we decided to eat lunch and watch the races Pepe's son was riding in. All is fine and dandy...Pepe's son won the first race and a little while later, he rode a second horse but didn't do so hot. Did I mention that Pepe made it a point to bet on the races? Small detail...after the races, we start heading back to the bus stop and Pepe stated he needed to pick up his winnings on his son's first race. Now, some may say I should have known better, but....when we get back to the "Jockey Club" as its called, Pepe said, "I need 10 soles (about 3 bucks) to get even change." I was not thinking straight and I gave him the 10 soles only to see him turn the corner with a new bet ticket! Are you kidding me? I couldn't believe it..."Pepe, what the hell? You gambled with my money?" I asked, vertical lines forming in my forehead from squenching my eyes in disbelief. "No worry, Scott. It okay. No worry. Sure win. Number 4 horse. Sure win." To which I replied. "You gambled my money?!?" I was flaborgasted and I told him he was pretty much a fargin bastage. All this for 3 bones...pretty trivial, but I was blown away...I asked what bus I needed, he told me, and I made my way back to the hotel solo. To top it all of, I got a pretty good sunburn on my head too!

It stinks...but if someone is nice to you down here, you got to raise your eyebrow, you know? Since I don't have any eyebrows, maybe that's why I ended up being the jackass in the story. I hope horse #4 came in dead stinking last. It goes against who I am to be doubtful/skeptical and shun away people who are engaing, but this ain't Redmond, I suppose. Live and learn.

Watch out for shady mother-daughter combos and the schiesters out there!

Scotty